Finding my cup

I know its been a while since I’ve written. Its been 7 weeks of non smoking and I have now finished all three my projects that needed to be presented last week and which took up a lot of my time and energy, but the studies need to be completed (personal goal). Its tough trying to work and study at the same time and then try live life – but its not un - achievable and I do believe its all about your attitude as to how you deal with life in general!

Ive been looking for my cup and in the process found that I am actually the cup! Does that make any sense? Let me explain:

I recently read an article by Dr Robert Anthony where he posed this analogy:
People living in scarcity and struggle see the cup as half empty
People who are positive thinkers see the cup as half full
People who understand their true connection to the source energy see the cup as overflowing
People who live in the flow and in alignment know they are the cup

I looked at how I have been for quite some time now, delving into myself through coaching sessions, therapy and self study. I think I have gone through all these stages at some point but when I look at the way I am as a person, I think I am the cup.

I think I’ve have taken my meditation to the next level where I am now visualizing increasingly clearer with every session. I visualize through the day and I manifest what I want verbally and vocally to the universe. I give thanks all the time. Thanks for the things that have happened through the day and thanks for having so many wonderful people in my life. I think we all really do have so much to be thankful for; just take a minute to think about it and you will soon see how much there is too say thanks for.

I look at what Ive lost - and I do mean in the materialistic way - and realize that I cant take it with me once I pass on and become energy in the universe. It would’ve frightened me in the past to have worked so hard all my life and now, through my own doing, land up living with 3 suite cases, in a rented place and actually being happier with myself than I have been in a long time. IT no longer does. I feel the love the universe is giving me and I feel the acceptance of who I am and what I am and I feel that I no longer fight against it.

I feel like a better person as I realize I can be a receiver in life and not just a giver. I can listen and not talk. I can give and not have to receive. I can be a contradiction to myself and be ok with it. You see I realize I have found myself again. It seems like I had forgotten who I really was and perhaps that’s why I always felt like life was a struggle. My greatness is not dependant on what I accomplish. I am great, you are great, we are all great; we are all unique creatures and that in itself makes us all great!

I am the cup because I am receiving things every day from the universe, from friends, from my love, from my family, from unknown strangers I cross paths with on the street.

The more I can hold, the more I can contribute to others thirst.

Choosing happiness

I have been doing well for a while now. My emotions are feeling stronger and I have still not smoked in over 3 weeks. Out of the blue I have a sensitive day. Out of the blue someone close to me does something very unselfish and it makes me cry. Out of the blue someone closer still starts to feel flat and boy oh boy, does it make me hit the bottom of the pit!

I went to bed tonight sobbing. Sobbing because I realize there is so much in life that I am unable to do anything about. Sobbing because what I want I can’t seem to have, because realistically, it’s not in my hands to take but rather in someone else’s to give. It hurts. It hurts because I want to be able to take the pain away from others and carry it with me, so that they don’t have to carry it. I know I can’t as that’s not how life is designed to be lived and we all have our own burdens to carry, be it emotional or physical pain. I know I am carrying a lot of emotional pain, because of things I am to blame for in the past, and I wonder – is there ever a time that you get over the emotional pain or does it just become part of your blueprint as a person in the future? All I know is that right now I feel so empty inside.

I think I realized tonight that I need to choose happiness. Only I can make myself happy. I am to answer for my mistakes and I am to answer for my joy. I speak daily to the universe to help me and I give thanks on a daily basis for what the universe has giving me. My words are what shape my future – by vocalizing what I want, the universe is and has given it to me. Do I need to be more careful in what I am asking for, I think not – but I do believe that I need to perhaps think about how I ask, for what I ask, as there are many ways to say something and there are many ways that that something could be understood.

And I think the understanding comes from the mood I am in. So I need to choose happiness. I need to choose what my heart and my mind and my soul all want - happiness. I have always been a happy person, and I have been responsible for that happiness all by myself. Am I now projecting my insecurities on others who in turn are now holding back on their emotions creating an unhappiness that we don’t really want?

I think I need to choose my words more carefully and choose my actions to match. Why is there this mismatch in what I say and what I do sometimes? Or is there? Those comments that I make everyday - should be positive, filled with optimism and put a smile on your face because I believe it will become infectious. This way we can all be happy in our own way, in our own lives, and on our own paths. This way we could all be saying positive things to one another and building on a brighter happier present and future. This way we train our unconscious minds to think and do positive happy things without us even thinking about what we are doing.

But we have to be aware of it first and train ourselves to do this every day and every moment in every action, word and response we make. Once our subconscious mind is set to do all this we will undoubtedly be in a happier space and our manifestations to the universe will align more to what we want and with whom we want to be.
So I’m choosing happiness.

I aim to make my life happy so that I can spread the love, the joy and the happiness that is inside me – and show it to you and you and you. I can live a better life. I can achieve my goals. I need to choose my words carefully spreading positive messages and I need to keep smiling – it’s very difficult to think negatively when you are smiling.

I believe in my heart soul and mind that things can and will get better. I need to stop the sobbing and I need to be more positive and supportive and get over myself.

I choose happiness.

Waiting

I was asked recently why it is I am not blogging everyday as I had people waiting to see how I was doing and what I was going through. Nice to know that there are people out there waiting for me, but it got me thinking about the “waiting” that we all do in our lives.

Are we all just waiting to die?

Everything we do in life seems to revolve around waiting for something or other. We wait in traffic to get to work; we work and wait for a tea-break then lunch break then tea break so that we can go home. At home we wait for the kettle to boil while we start preparing dinner and then we wait to watch out favorite TV show and then off to bed. Sometimes we even wait to sleep. We even wait to hear what’s going on in others lives…

Since my return, I have been busy, not waiting for anything to happen except taking the bull by the horns and making things happen – all within my own means. I am self employed and with the fact that I’ve been away for more than half of July, I had to get my butt into gear to try making some sort of income. I am also in the process of studying and I have 3 projects due 17th August as well as working on my portfolio career, as you have all heard me mention previously. These include my life coaching and on occasions my photography, not huge income streams but most definitely things I have a passion for, enjoy and able to make a few bucks from at the same time. Then fitting in the normal things in my life, like going to the gym, cooking, cleaning, and scouting for new clients…

I’ve given this so much thought this week. Do I have a clear cut answer as to what the answer is– I’m not too sure because I don’t know if I am waiting for anything at all. I’m not too sure because as much as I know I do stress about not having a financial backing to support me in times of financial hardships like I feel I am in at the moment, I also find that I am not unhappy now as to when this happened to me previously. Does this make any sense at all? Are we all just waiting for a paycheck at the end of the day in some form or another and is this why we are waiting?

What I do know is that I am writing the blog when I am able to put my thoughts and emotions on paper. I have been writing everyday as I normally do, working on my own pages, writing my own feelings and looking at how to continue improving my life for a great future, and in a lot of instances I place these pages on the blog. What I have been waiting for which I think has now arrived, is the realization that I have changed and I have grown. A friend recently emailed me and commented that it’s the first time in a few years that he sees I am starting to get my strength back through the way I am dealing with my life, my emotions and my ambitions. He says he’s waited a long time to see me get my strength back again and it made him smile to see that the wait was worth it. Very encouraging words to me those.

What am I waiting for? What are you waiting for? What are we all waiting for?
I’m sure it’s not just about dying but rather about someone taking note of who we are what we are doing and where we are going.

I wasn’t waiting to hear my friends encouraging words but I must admit his encouragement has made me feel like the wait to start realizing my progress is all so worth it because of those few words written in an email by him.

So, are we all just waiting for some form of recognition?

Wait…