Choosing happiness

I have been doing well for a while now. My emotions are feeling stronger and I have still not smoked in over 3 weeks. Out of the blue I have a sensitive day. Out of the blue someone close to me does something very unselfish and it makes me cry. Out of the blue someone closer still starts to feel flat and boy oh boy, does it make me hit the bottom of the pit!

I went to bed tonight sobbing. Sobbing because I realize there is so much in life that I am unable to do anything about. Sobbing because what I want I can’t seem to have, because realistically, it’s not in my hands to take but rather in someone else’s to give. It hurts. It hurts because I want to be able to take the pain away from others and carry it with me, so that they don’t have to carry it. I know I can’t as that’s not how life is designed to be lived and we all have our own burdens to carry, be it emotional or physical pain. I know I am carrying a lot of emotional pain, because of things I am to blame for in the past, and I wonder – is there ever a time that you get over the emotional pain or does it just become part of your blueprint as a person in the future? All I know is that right now I feel so empty inside.

I think I realized tonight that I need to choose happiness. Only I can make myself happy. I am to answer for my mistakes and I am to answer for my joy. I speak daily to the universe to help me and I give thanks on a daily basis for what the universe has giving me. My words are what shape my future – by vocalizing what I want, the universe is and has given it to me. Do I need to be more careful in what I am asking for, I think not – but I do believe that I need to perhaps think about how I ask, for what I ask, as there are many ways to say something and there are many ways that that something could be understood.

And I think the understanding comes from the mood I am in. So I need to choose happiness. I need to choose what my heart and my mind and my soul all want - happiness. I have always been a happy person, and I have been responsible for that happiness all by myself. Am I now projecting my insecurities on others who in turn are now holding back on their emotions creating an unhappiness that we don’t really want?

I think I need to choose my words more carefully and choose my actions to match. Why is there this mismatch in what I say and what I do sometimes? Or is there? Those comments that I make everyday - should be positive, filled with optimism and put a smile on your face because I believe it will become infectious. This way we can all be happy in our own way, in our own lives, and on our own paths. This way we could all be saying positive things to one another and building on a brighter happier present and future. This way we train our unconscious minds to think and do positive happy things without us even thinking about what we are doing.

But we have to be aware of it first and train ourselves to do this every day and every moment in every action, word and response we make. Once our subconscious mind is set to do all this we will undoubtedly be in a happier space and our manifestations to the universe will align more to what we want and with whom we want to be.
So I’m choosing happiness.

I aim to make my life happy so that I can spread the love, the joy and the happiness that is inside me – and show it to you and you and you. I can live a better life. I can achieve my goals. I need to choose my words carefully spreading positive messages and I need to keep smiling – it’s very difficult to think negatively when you are smiling.

I believe in my heart soul and mind that things can and will get better. I need to stop the sobbing and I need to be more positive and supportive and get over myself.

I choose happiness.