Refusal and denial are some of the words that come to mind when I look at rejection. We don’t like to be refused or denied and yet we come across it every day.It’s that thorn in our shoe that often enough stops us in our tracks yet so many of us refuse to face up to it. We ourselves are denying that we face it every day.
As children we all have a ‘fancy’ at school, in the play ground or in a shopping mall. We think that it would be great if she gave us a bit of recognition but she is always out with her friends and pays us no attention. Do we find the courage to ask her out, or do we just become voyeurs and not say a word? Does she fancy us, or fancy someone else? What we may not know is that she herself is petrified that you may ask her because she is exceptionally shy. Will these two people ever land up with partners in their lives; most probably.
A singer that goes to an audition finds that there at 10 other singers applying for the same job - very apt in the world’s current financial situation. –but the singer gets to sing the song she has chosen. She thinks her rendition of the song is the best at the audition, but still she does not get the job. She faces rejection and moves on to the next audition and time and again faces the rejection explained above.
When we go out to buy a Madonna, Michael Buble or even Shirley Bassey CD we don’t see the rejection they have faced to get where they are. What we see is the success they are reaping.
Perhaps herein lies the lesson. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, and try again!
The reality that we all deal with rejection daily is a given fact but like all things in our lives’ they do pass and with practice, we eventually get them under our belt, or do we? I think we may get past one point only to be faced with another form of rejection in another area – but hey, isn’t that what life is all about? Constantly growing, constantly learning, constantly changing our objectives, our goals and our ambitions?
Rejection and how we deal with it, in some cases, is done so automatically; on a cold morning the car refuses to start but we keep at it and eventually it starts and we move on. On a personal level though rejection is so much more difficult to face and deal with and I do think that it happens often in the work environment as well. What I am referring to as personal level, is the relationship arena. Break ups, someone we like - not liking us, etc etc etc. Is this reason enough to stop us from pushing ahead with other opportunities that come along?
I think it’s important to face rejection. I think it’s very difficult and I think it’s very personal. What one person sees as a heart wrenching fear another just laughs off. Shit, that irritates me when they can do it and I can’t! How is that? How is it that some people seem to be able to jump from relationship to relationship while the person left behind is suffering tremendously because of the rejection faced? How is it that some people can push ahead at work, regardless of the rejection, and still come out smiling? HOW? Why can’t I be like that? Why do I take everything so personally?
Are we, as a human race, really so different to each other, or is it that some people are better equipped than others in dealing with problems and rejection? Perhaps the up-bring portion of our lives, and the way our parents treated and taught us, is the contributing factor to this equipment. Can someone then please explain to me where I can go find this equipment, because I know no one, myself included, is ever ready for all the types of rejection we are faced with daily?
Is the key to facing rejection simply just perseverance and determination? I think it could be, but in my own life I suddenly feel too tired to keep perseverance at 100% in work situations and probably not determined enough to find the energy to get it back. Perhaps there are times and situations that are so out of our control we should just accept that we are rejected and move on….. and then I think of Richard Branson and his determination to get ahead, and I doubt myself again.
What is the lesson I am suppose to learn from all this and where do I find the book?
What I do believe is that it’s all in the passion we hold and therein we find the answer on how come we can deal with some situational rejection and why not at others!
As hurtful and horrible as it seems, I think that the key to rejection, is passion!
Rejection or is it a "Need for Acceptance"
ReplyDeleteRejection is emotionally painful because of the social nature of human beings and our basic need to be accepted in groups. Abraham Maslow and other theorists have suggested that the need for love and belongingness is a fundamental human motivation.According to Maslow, all humans, even introverts, need to be able to give and receive affection to be psychologically healthy.
Psychologists believe that simple contact or social interaction with others is not enough to fulfill this need. Instead, people have a strong motivational drive to form and maintain caring interpersonal relationships. People need both stable relationships and satisfying interactions with the people in those relationships. If either of these two ingredients is missing, people will begin to feel lonely and unhappy. Thus, rejection is a significant threat. In fact, the majority of human anxieties appear to reflect concerns over social exclusion.
Being a member of a group is also important for social identity, which is a key component of the self-concept. Mark Leary of Wake Forest University has suggested that the main purpose of self-esteem is to monitor social relations and detect social rejection. In this view, self-esteem is a sociometer which activates negative emotions when signs of exclusion appear.
Social psychological research confirms the motivational basis of the need for acceptance. Specifically, fear of rejection leads to conformity to peer pressure (sometimes called normative influence), and compliance to the demands of others. Our need for affiliation and social interaction appears to be particularly strong when we are under stress.
I do believe that the Social Psychologists and Maslow all know what they are speaking of as they are specialists.
ReplyDeleteMy question would be: how about rejection of yourself? Many people dont accept themselves and inturn dont want to be socialy accepted. It seems their need for social interaction may not be as strong and may not be due to stress.
Could it be due to family back ground history that they carry with them for the rest of their life?
I think social study is an ongoing speciality as so much has changed in society today. Internet conversation and sms make for a very lonely social contact society.
What does the future hold in this social respect - when the youth of today sit in the same room and message each other?
Very interesting topic for discussion and Im sure under intense study by social psychologists as we speak.
Anonymous made a comment what about rejection of yourself! I do wonder if most feelings of rejection stem from an initial rejection of ones self. A lack of self confidence for whatever reason, we all face it, leads to the feeling of rejection from others, or allowing what may be real rejection to affect us. The more insecure we are the more rejected we feel, the more confident we are, the less it worries us! Who cares when the nerd ignores you, when you have the hunk, but when we don't have the hunk and are alone everyone who ignores you, bothers you.....! The hunk merely represents acceptance and confidence in ourselves
ReplyDelete