Yesterday I wrote about what I think of Rejection. Two “anonymous” contributors posed information and further questions. Information about Abraham Maslow and other theorists studies and then there was the other question; what about self rejection?
Firstly, it excites me tremendously that people known, or unknown, are reading the blog and also contributing what they think, feel and know. Secondly, it got me so interested that I did some research for myself last night and thanks to the internet so much is readily available for all of us in today’s world.
Thank you everyone for these contributions, and please do keep them coming. I know that one question posed may lead to a totally different topic of conversation, but it may not have come up if those questions were not posed!
My research last night – after reading the comments – got me thinking - What is mid-life crisis? So much reading is available and in no way am I a speed reader to get through everything to be able to summarize what I’ve discovered here. But it is all about what I’ve been thinking and feeling, and the situations that so many seem to find themselves in, as I do, about what’s happening in each of our lives at the moment and between the comments and my quick research, I want to be able to share.
A very interesting article that I came across on About.com written by Cathy Meyer, asks the question “what is a midlife crisis?” Reading the article and the various outcomes that different people have, I picked up on 5 that ring so true to me and how I am and have been feeling for some time; I’d like to share these now. These are the 5 points from Cathy Meyer’s article.
1. Unhappiness with life and the lifestyle that may have provided them with happiness for many years.
2. Feeling a need for adventure and change.
3. Questioning the choices they have made in their lives and the validity of decisions they made years before.
4. Confusion about who they are and where they are going.
5. Unable to make decisions about where they want to go with their life.
The unhappiness I seem to have been faced with is the fact that I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t recognize myself in many instances and yet at the same time my insides are telling me that I need to get back to being who I was, as a person, prior to 2004. Why specifically 2004, you may ask? That being the year that we moved country to start a new life and a new career and everything seems to point to that time. The easiest way for me to get to explaining how I feel is to imagine a river. At some parts, it slowly washes by you and at other parts which are more narrow, the water starts rushing to squeeze through that narrower part, as it needs to flow down to its ultimate point, that being the sea. My unhappiness is that I feel like I got stuck in that narrow rushing part until I hit a rock that stood in the way. Dazed, I realized that something was wrong, and standing on that rock I had the opportunity to look back over what had transpired till that point! I am still standing on the rock and still finding new things that I don’t like, but it has also given me the opportunity to look forward to where it is I am going.
That’s where the adventure part comes in. Life to me is an adventured to be lived, discovered and hopefully enjoyed. I most definitely question a lot of what I have done in the past but my logic dictates that I can’t change the past, only learn from it. I’m trying to look at what I need to learn from the experience and see how, what and where I need to change for the future I see ahead. My very good entertainer lady friend, who I have mentioned previously and who has been such an amazing pillar of support in everything that I have done, once said to me; we all have 20/20 vision in retrospect.
I totally understand the concept and I agree with it whole heartedly which then brings me to number 4 on the list about my confusion. Where am I? What have I learnt? Where do I need to change? What do I need to change? Where am I going to? What am I looking to achieve? And please do believe me when I say that list seems to be never-ending!
How can I see what I want to achieve, while I stand on my rock, when everything ahead of me seems so misted up?
The same friend that told me second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day also gave me the answer. I am trying my utmost to continue in a job, which is only a job, and still look at how I can clear the mist little by little, and thereby hopefully see what I want to aim for in the future. I have great days of self worth and that encourages me to move ahead. Other days I feel like I should never have stood up on that rock taking time for myself and on other days I wish I could’ve just drowned. (and believe me this is not a suicide plea at all, so stop in your tracks!)
I feel like I’ve lost so much of what I hold near and dear to me in this process. It hurts like hell! For now I am trying to concentrate on what I have learnt and how it can help me. I am not an evil person but rather a nurturer. I consider others before myself, yet it seems like that is not what I show on the outside. I put up a hard front and am honestly embarrassed to have the spotlight shown on me and my emotions! God forbid, anyone should know how I am feeling!!!!
And boy, now that I’ve started opening up, you can’t shut me up!
It’s the most pain staking, heart wrenching process to go through. Putting up the mirror, taking off my clothes and looking at who I really have become!
I cry a lot, in fact I sit here writing and have tears streaming down my face from emotion. And it’s good, I’ve realized that now and realize that it’s been a long overdue process but something I am facing and facing all by myself. I am not alone, so that’s not the issue, as I have a lot of support from my friends, but it’s a process that only I can do for myself and only I can resolve and only I need to go through by myself. It does not instigate anger or fear. It instigates a lot of tears, heart sore, and migraines. But I’m doing it and I understand it as I go second by second, minute by minute – I’ve not reached the hour by hour part yet, let alone day by day!!! No matter what Maslow or other social psychologists and analysts say in their studies, it doesn’t help. I know it sounds very selfish, and I probably am, but so what!
What I do know is that only I can live it, experience it, fix it and move on and that’s what I am doing. It is my journey of my life and only I get a say in how it moves forward!
It’s not easy searching for me, myself, I.
A great read and a brilliant follow up to your blog of yesterday.
ReplyDeleteSome points thats I have gathered,that hard exterior that you have may have made people run away, maybe you need to open up all more to the people around you. Why do you not trust people, are you scared that maybe what they see they will not like.
Deep down inside you is an incredible person (well I hope so), you need to free yourself from all the demons holding you back. You are the same as all the people around you, you are unique, as are we all.
Its good to go on a journey of discovery, go back to the roots, your foundation and build upon that. What you have experienced, achieved, failed, celebrated, mourned are all a part of who the real person is. You can't change that, you can learn from this and be the person who will like the real YOU. Your point about what you have done, to learn from its your starting point.
Stop living for the future but for the now.
People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates. ~Thomas Szasz, "Personal Conduct," The Second Sin, 1973
You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself. ~Alan Alda
Never mind searching for who you are. Search for the person you aspire to be. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor. ~Dr. Alexis Carrel
The greatest explorer on this earth never takes voyages as long as those of the man who descends to the depth of his heart. ~Julien Green
There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anaïs Nin
The value of identity of course is that so often with it comes purpose. ~Richard Grant
Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer. ~Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
All men should strive
to learn before they die
what they are running from, and to, and why.
~James Thurber
I know well what I am fleeing from but not what I am in search of. ~Michel de Montaigne
If you don't get lost, there's a chance you may never be found. ~Author Unknown
I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. ~Henry David Thoreau, 1854
A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it. ~George Moore
One thing for sure, you are going to survive as you are asking all the right question
Looking forward to the next update.
C!
Evidentemente una crisis personal, ya sea del tipo que sea, es un momento duro en la vida de una persona, porque hay algo que ha cambiado en su vida y no encuentra la forma de enfrentarse a los nuevos acontecimientos de la misma manera como lo hacia antes, con los recursos que ya conocía.
ReplyDeletePero desde un punto de vista positivo y optimista, creo que puede ser uno de los acontecimientos más bonitos e importantes que puede experimentar una persona, ya que, si se resuelve bien, da un sentido a tu existencia a través de un nuevo proyecto que te motiva a seguir hacia delante.
Todos nos hemos preguntado mas de una vez por el sentido de nuestra vida, y la mayoría de las veces no nos hemos contestado la pregunta porque en aquel momento no era importante la respuesta. Sin embargo, creo que la crisis llega cuando necesitamos una respuesta immediata y no encontramos ni sabemos como contestar la pregunta. Y esa incógnita empieza a rondar cada vez más por nuestra cabeza.
Creo que la respuesta se puede encontrar de diversas formas o en diferentes sitios: en uno mismo, en otra persona, en una creencia, en un libro, o como es tu caso Maurice, puede ser que en este blog mediante el cual expresas libremente tus sentimientos y nos llegas de forma clara, natural y sencilla.
También creo que una persona encuentra la respuesta cuando hay un proyecto que empieza a ser importante en su vida, más que todo lo demás, cuando hay cosas con las que empieza a comprometerse realmente y empieza un nuevo camino.
No es fácil, pero creo que el primer paso para llegar a la respuesta que cada uno buscamos es ser optimista y realista, identificar el problema personal de cada uno, sus limitaciones y sus virtudes, estar seguro de las decisiones que se toman, tener ilusión y nuevos objetivos y mirar hacia delante tanto en los fracasos como en los éxitos. Y sobretodo, pensar que en este mundo no estamos solos, que hay gente alrededor que de una forma u otra nos apoya y está con nosotros.
La trayectoria de mi vida no es rica en experiencias, pero si algo he aprendido es que cuando una puerta se cierra siempre hay otra que se puede abrir. La mayoría de las veces nosotros tenemos la llave y no nos damos cuenta porque momentáneamente hemos perdido nuestra autoestima y pensamos que abrir un sencilla puerta es un trabajo complicado. A veces, la llave esta en el bolsillo de nuestro propio pantalón.
XXX
Martin