My Core Energies

Is it possible to do and be anything? After reading what I wrote yesterday I went back and listened to two chapters of the Secret. The Secret does promote that we can do anything, be anything and achieve anything we want.

It got me wondering if that is at all possible for each individual. Does this not rely a lot on our own personalities and the likes and dislikes that each of us have? What I mean is that IF I like to dance and I have an interest in it and go ahead and do it, is it not more likely that I will succeed in it as apposed to Basket-ball that I have no interest in whatsoever? IS it possible for me to start playing basket-ball, practice it a lot and then succeed in it as well? I think not.

I do believe that each and every one of us has our core beliefs and our core likes/dislikes. I think that these are almost ingrained into us like our DNA, which is what makes each and everyone of us unique. Does it mean that we can challenge ourselves to the point of actually doing something that we don’t like and don’t really want to do? Does this mean that our motivations for these dislikes are changeable as well and can we sell it to ourselves to start doing things we never really liked in the first place? Why would we want to do them anyway?

I am often confronted by aspects of what I like, as apposed to what others expect from me. I do want to be able to help others and feel that I am giving back as well as making sure that I am able to nurture these others, to gain what is good for them in their lives. I know that I always challenge myself to do things that I think will help me in my life but I am also aware that as a caring human I will go out of my way to help others and have often landed up doing things that I don’t really want to do.

If I look at my upbringing and the strength that was indirectly imposed on my by my parents, I start questioning all these things in the life that I live. I seem to often be living according to others expectations of me and somewhere along the line I find that I have denied myself the total happiness that I could have. I do tend to put my desires on the back burner if there is something that I can do for others when they need or ask for my help. IS that right or wrong? I have a good friend who does everything for herself first and then takes care of others thereafter. Am I missing the point and is this selfish or not?

In my search for my positive energies, I realized last night that I need to release these guilty feelings to helping myself first. I need to recognize where I am able to help others to my best ability and then I need to do the right thing for myself, although it does seem to come across as selfish. These are tough decisions to make and to change. These are constant training sessions that I need to give myself and my inner voice critic that is sometime so harsh on me and what I am doing.

Sometimes like today, it just gets all too much for me and I have a real CRAPPY day, to say the least. Im exhausted mentally, emotionally and even physically. I feel like all the work Im putting into this journey should be chucked out the window of a fast moving train and I should just give up and register myself as lost on my own road!
Then I have a good dinner, do a calm meditation and remind myself that all roads are not smooth, and that it’s my core energy that I am using to smooth these roads. Isn’t it only logical then that I will feel tired and drained and just wanting to burst into tears? Still doesn’t help me really, but I suppose I do at least have hope in that Im looking to find the solutions to my challenges as it’s the solutions that matter, not the challenges.
But some days I just can’t face them and actually don’t want to. Am I allowed to feel crappy, get into bed and say thanks for a crappy day, tomorrow is another day?

I just feel too exhausted to think or do anything right now!