For a long time, my whole life in fact, I have always been an optimist. Its always a great day regardless of the weather and life is very good. That’s how Ive lived my life. I try not sweat the small stuff and I find the sunny side in every trying situation.
In this journey of mine I have come to realize that somewhere along the line over the past few years I became a pessimist. Horribly negative, although I would never admit it, and only seeing doom and gloom. I lost a lot of material things and that seemed to make me even more of a pessimist and only see more doom and gloom. At some point I even considered just ending it all!
I don’t know where the change happened or how it even happened. But it happened! It is through this period of regrouping myself that I have come to realize no matter what I thought, my inner voice was challenging me to the negative, and powerfully so. I would not see the glass as half full but half empty and I did not realize that even if it was half empty it was a lot more than many around me even had!
I would burst into tears for no apparent reason and embarrassingly so at the strangest of times and in the strangest of places. I constantly felt like I had the world on my shoulders and with that I constantly had my shoulders up around my ears. I would suffer from migraines and I would have a terrible feeling of gloom as the knot in my stomach would churn and churn. It was not fun and it is not something I would wish on anyone but it was very real to me.
Somewhere along this search of mine I seem to have just discovered again the optimistic Maurice that Ive always been. I realized this morning that these feelings of euphoria that Im feeling in the morning are lasting longer and longer and Im walking around with a smile on my face again, as well as in my heart. Happiness is not a co-incidence, it’s a choice. I choose to be happy, regardless of the challenges I am faced with. I feel that everyday is a great day again, and if it rains and the wind blows, well hey, enjoy the break from the strong African sun and take time to do more things indoors that I don’t get around to doing when the sun is always shinning.
You see, I think my DNA is optimistic. I think that even though I may have been a pessimist for a while, my inner voice through all this searching, has told my subconscious mind that I need to get over it already, and get back on track! I find that I am working better, and I am eating healthier. I don’t feel like I have the world on my shoulders and I notice that I can see my earlobes again as my shoulders are not hiding them. I now even think I have cute earlobes, what the hell!
I am manifesting everyday to myself; I feel Good, I feel Great, I feel Terrific!
I am taking time out to listen to my heart and meditate in silence that my heart is a good heart and that there is space for so much more. My manifestations are working and I believe in myself again. I have so much to offer the world and I have love in my life. I couldn’t see that for a while because of how dark I saw the world in the situation that I found myself. I spent a lot of solo time and I still do. One needs to do this to get to terms with ones self.
How can I give love if I don’t have any for myself? I see that now, and it feels good. Perhaps the pessimism was a necessity in my life for me to regroup myself, my heart and my mind. Perhaps this was the biggest learning curb of my life and SO WHAT if I loose everything and find myself scrapping by? Its only material stuff that I can carry in my hands, but I am a survivor and I am a wonderful person! The sun WILL come out again, and the difference now is that I believe it again!
I believe in myself and I believe in my journey!
I have found the optimism that my DNA has been blessed to have entwined within it!
I feel like I am on the right road of Be Do Get!
I am attracting many good things again and my magnets are starting to recharge and work towards the full strength of attracting all the goodness that I have everyday in my life. It’s been there all the time, Ive just been too pessimistic to see it!
Pre-occupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, or beauty, requires constant attention and admiration of those around you, although you seem to be very choosy about the people and "material possesions" that you closely associate with. I hope you don't believe that your problems and situation are unique and can be appreciated only by other “special” people.
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of "I's" in this blog.
ReplyDeleteJust an observation.
Charles
Seems to me that my excitement of the progress Im making is being misunderstood. One has to be appreciative of the progress one makes and one needs to reflect on the advances in your life to be able to continue to grow. Pehaps it comes across as a little self-indulgent with all the "I's" but thats ok. Im reflecting on the HOPE that I lost and the HOPE that I seem to have found again. Its great progress for me as a person, and I wanted to share that with everyone. I have very special people surrounding me, both near and far, and its this support that matters in my life. Its not about being choosy regarding material possessions nor with whom I associate with. ITs about spreading the good news that out of the dark, I have found a glimmer of light. Meditation is helping a lot and the discovery of one's self is most definately important on the road to recovery. Im setting goals and Im setting sub goals and trying to achieve them as I move forward.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments guys. I am just trying to get accross that I am excited by life again, and I believe that excitement is contagous and no matter what - there is always HOPE.
Semms to me, will not be happy unless you control everybody,
ReplyDeleteTRACY
The act of being constantly preoccupied with the thought of yourself and everything in this world that involves you or should involve you. A self-obsessed individual is someone who just can't help thinking and talking about themselves.
ReplyDeleteExtreme narcissism, self-love, conceit. Condition in which persons are literally in love with themselves and/or are primarily attracted to qualities in others that they themselves possess. Mental state in which one's perception of reality is warped by self-obsession. The world exists only as a reflection of the self. Also: One who places unusually high value on one's own opinions, appearance, and personality
Consider whether someone has called you self absorbed. Has anyone in your life told you that you are self absorbed? Has anyone described you as selfish or self-centered? If somebody has told you this, then you might be self absorbed. If more than one person has told you this, then you should really consider whether you are, in fact, self absorbed.
Tracy