Habits

Habits are something we all have. We mostly do them unconsciously and they become second nature to us only when we learn to do them on a conscious level. If you look at a person who is learning to smoke, they fumble at first with the cigarette, then don’t always get the lighter to work on the first flick of the finger, but look at the same person a few months later and it’s as if they are doing it with ease, experience and it comes across as natural to them and who they are.

What am I getting to about habits? I think its something I’ve been looking at a lot lately through my mental and emotional states and the habit forms I have with these. I spoke about my motivation and how I lay in bed and get excited about the day – it’s a habit. I spoke about my fear of anyone getting to know what I am feeling – another habit. I then started realizing that for things to change in these areas I need to change my habits.

I’ve been watching people around me. I see that some people, who are excited by life, attract others who are excited by life. The people that are attracted by these ‘life-lovers’ are not always themselves in that euphoric state yet, but are hanging with the ‘life-lovers’ to feed off them, learn from them and perhaps copy them, as habits are contagious in my eyes.

By consciously making a shift in my thinking I can become aware of my habits and how I want to change them. I also realize that I need to know specifically which ones I want to change and constantly work on them. I need to know that not everything has success from the word GO, but through perseverance and working at it, I will have new habits and in a few months won’t even be aware of how I do them any longer as they will become second nature to me.

A personal example I have that I keep reminding myself of; when I started in the Finance Industry, I would have to generate leads. I would meet people get their telephone numbers and then at a later hour, or day, I would need to contact these leads to set up appointments. I had so much difficulty making the calls. I even remember that a friend who sat with me as I made my very first call, laughed at me as I hung up and he asked me: “WHY are you so nervous?” I had a nervous timbre in my voice, my heart was beating loudly in my ears and my hand was shaking.
I look at how I make calls today, 6 years later, and I see that I am completely calm, I have a smile on my face, I speak with confidence and the telephone has become second nature to me.

I then think to myself – If I can do it with a telephone, why not with my personal mental and emotional habits as well? I want to change some of them and I want to wear them as a proud part of me and my soul as I walk through life.

Stripping yourself bare is hard at the best of times, but it allows us, as individuals, to grow. It’s not a rebirth but most certainly the feeling of spring after long cold winter. Everything starts growing again, looking fresh and clean and blossoms come out to just make one feel, well, happy. But you have to go through the stripping bare to get to that spring feeling and if you realize you are going to come out feeling springy than the goal is well worth the reward. But to get to that point we need to understand what it is we want to change about ourselves.

Our emotional habits and our mental habits are probably the hardest ones to break.

The mental habits are the ones that cause us to snap when we should hold our tongue. They make us say nasty things at times, and lest not forget how many of us have said hurtful things in arguments, when the words just seem to flow out of our mouths and we actually don’t really mean them. Later we regret ever having said them. Most of all it’s sometimes used as a below the belt tactic to really get that sting of what we are saying, to be felt. And we all know what it feels like when it’s done to us. Its things that we land up going over in our minds for days after wards, and feel really hurt by because it’s that kick in the groin that just won’t go away.

The emotional ones I think are the ones that are instigated by us, for some unknown reason. We flirt with someone and things go a bit too far and then we are left with wanting more but in reality the feeling is not felt on both sides. It takes the wind out of our sails and we mope around waiting expectantly for it to change, but it doesn’t.

These are just two examples that I can give right now as I am in the process of working through my own mental and emotional habits as we speak. It takes a lot of self control and patience to break these habits, but I believe they can be broken. You will have your own examples and I can guarantee you that there must be at least 10 things that we each do that we don’t like doing, but due to force of habit they just happen. What I’m trying to find is the trigger. What triggers these reactions, these thoughts and these emotions? What is the trigger that makes us flip a lid, or get jealous?

In some instances we may seek professional help but I personally believe that if we start seeing what triggers these habits to play up, we will well be able to break the habit. Of course we have to want to change in the first place and I do, so I’m seeking within myself what I want to change and what triggers the reaction.