Selflessness – what is it?

The most interesting question was posed on Facebook yesterday by a friend who lives in France and the question read: Can anyone suggest to me a 'selfless deed'?
I responded without even thinking: giving your time, without any expectancy of a return, except through seeing the joy in another’s eyes as you do it. Finding the right moment is important and the right place, but you will know it when you do it, as you will feel the bliss of happiness because someone else is receiving the joy that you contributed towards and yet the only thing you got in return was the good feeling in your heart!
To which he responded: very nice. I understand you and love your way of thinking.
I always knew that you are a very kind and giving man ;) but I am looking for even more selfless than that; meaning, even the return of self satisfaction (the blissful happiness), no benefit for me whatsoever. Complete selflessness....

So, always up for a challenge, and wanting to learn more for myself, I clicked on the good old GOOGLE startup page and typed in “Selflessness, definition”. There were lots of links available so I went to Wikipedia as the way everything is written and explained there seems to make sense to me.
Wikipedia definition – the act of sacrificing one’s own interest for the greater good.
It also refers to Altruism, a word I’ve never heard before (I am learning a lot!) which is – a selfless concern for the welfare of others, opposite to selfishness!

GOOD GOLLY MOLLY! What the...! Now is this not an interesting topic? I had so much going through my mind. Mother Teresa and the good she has done in the world, even Princess Diana, Gandhi, Jesus, Mohammed, and all the biggies that we so readily see and hear about through our own personal upbringing and also the press, books and television.
Then I thought about me, and do I consider myself to be selfless and if not how can I go about being selfless?

I am a person who likes to do things for others. I like to help where I can and I prefer taking control to make others feel comfortable, relaxed and at ease. Does this mean I’m selfless? My intentions may be in a selfless way but the outcome does not really fall into the definition according to what I read. Is it because I do it intentionally that I am actually rather being selfish in my ways, because I like doing it and because I want to get the satisfaction of seeing that others are enjoying themselves? Am I being selfish by taking control of the situation and just doing it, or should I sit back and let others offer their selflessness so that I can enjoy what they do in return?

I don’t know what to say! I’m actually stumped for words. I’ve been told that I am selfish because I don’t let others help or because I always want to be in control. I’ve been told that I’m a nice guy who offers up his time and resources where possible. I’ve been told so many things over my life time that coming across this question, I find myself doubting myself and my intentions. Then it got me thinking, what does my heart feel?

I know that I want to do the best that I can for whoever surrounds me at all times, be it helping unpack their closet, listening to them offload their problems, cooking dinner for them or just making sure they are tucked in bed because they have the flue. My intentions are always meant to be good because I think I am a nurturer. I like looking after people but does that make me selfless or selfish? Is the fact that I look after my ‘family’ just expected from me as a man or is it that because I am a man I feel that that’s what society expects of me and so I unconsciously give in to the so-called peer pressure? As a man do I see things differently to the way a woman would see it? That’s another topic completely but I do believe that yes, men are different to woman, and because of that I’m starting to wonder – am I selflessly giving of myself but in a selfish way because of what is expected of me?

There seems to be such a fine unseen line between the two. What I like about the question is that it gives me room to think about what I’m doing and what the results are that I am expecting when I do them. I then realized, perhaps that’s what makes me a selfish person – the fact that I am looking at what result I get from it, even if it’s only a smile.

Is it possible to be completely selfless without expecting something in return no matter how small or insignificant? I think I have a lot to learn on the subject and learn how to differentiate the two that are split by a fine line and yet stand on opposite sides of the wheel.
This in itself motivates me to help more, expect less and give of myself in a nurturing way without having to think about what I expect, be it consciously or unconsciously.

Can we actually consciously find selflessness, or is it something that just happens at the spur of the moment and then we move on? On the other hand is it about not being perfect, but at least trying, making a go of it?